Is it really a bad thing to once in a while, stop to help yourself? A few thoughts in this week’s mental health spot.
A couple of weeks ago, I posted on social media that I wanted ideas for an advent calendar for myself. I gave a price limit, and stated that I wanted to avoid the standard chocolate or alcohol suggestions. So many very wonderful ideas were put forward, from herbal teas to puzzles. I was super excited to get such a list and I was focused on working out how to decide which one I wanted more. (All of them – I wanted all of them.)
But the next morning I woke to private messages that kind of ruined the vibe. Suddenly, instead of ideas and promoting small independent businesses, people were judging me for my extravagance and self-indulgence. Gone were advent calendar ideas, and here I was faced with cries of ‘donate to charities’, ‘give to food banks’, and ‘think about other people’.
Instead of choosing a calendar for myself, I was now considering how to improve as a person, and I wasn’t exactly proud of myself for having been so ignorant to the struggles of others.
Until I realised that I am not ignorant to the struggles of others. I grew up in poverty, and frankly my current financial situation is unlikely to ever make anyone jealous. Charities, food banks, and local community projects have been my lifeline over the years, and my survival has absolutely depended on their input.
As a way of giving back I try to do as much as I can, within my means. This can include paying for smaller items when someone else has found themselves short of funds for necessities, purchasing items from wish lists to help support the lives and businesses of others, purchasing items for children’s charities that allow the less fortunate to still enjoy gifts on Christmas morning, and also allowed people to jump the queue in shops (paramedics, or people with significantly fewer items than I have).
There have been many donations to charities and food banks, and I often drop loose change into collection boxes. Women in shelters, homeless people on the street, children in third world countries, victims of war or natural disasters, animals and more have all somehow benefitted from something I have done or given. And that doesn’t even include the volunteer hours or sponsored events.
I’m not a saint, and many of these actions are undeniably very small. However, they still apply because the honest truth is that I’m not obliged to do anything for anybody, but I still choose to. But neither do I broadcast those actions very often, and when I do it isn’t to get praise, it is to raise awareness that these very minor moments can still make an enormous difference to people facing hardship.
I know; I’ve been there.
So why was any of that judgement necessary? It sure wasn’t appropriate.
Supporting other people doesn’t always mean giving money or items. Sometimes it just means helping a parent get their pushchair up some steps.
You should never feel guilty for thinking of yourself. My life is hard and it’s turned me into a rather bitter adult, but I am still allowed live my life and enjoy things. I am allowed to set an ‘extravagant and self-indulgent’ budget of £50 once a year for an advent calendar without being shamed for it. Because that one splurge doesn’t undo any of my previous small deeds, nor does it dictate any future ones.
I’m a good person. I just can’t decide between a jam advent calendar or one with lots of tiny rubber ducks just for the sake of rubber ducks.
