In our weekly spot where we chat about mental health and wellbeing, a few thoughts on taking account for the things we do.
It is a hard pill to swallow, but the fact is that we all have played a part in negative situations. Regardless of what our intentions were, or how significant the situation on everyday life, the truth is we have all done the wrong thing more than once, and it has affected people other than ourselves.
Oh, how it hurts our pride to admit we were wrong or acted in a way we would be judging other people for.
It isn’t the worst thing in the world to be a flawed person. What is troublesome, however, is when you can’t accept your role in a given situation.
A few months ago, a creator I follow made a flippant comment on a live stream about their trolls. Instead of acknowledging that the creator was annoyed at continued abuse from a group of online bullies, I had reacted badly to it because of my own feelings after a particularly bad day.
“May I say something that may come out a bit wrong?” I typed into the comments. When given the green light, I tried to use the limited character allowance to say my piece. Doing so meant I ended up indirectly calling this creator ableist. That was not my intention, but that is what happened.
Naturally he became angry and blocked me.
As a creator I highly respect, I was gutted. But I instantly realised I was the one in the wrong and after a few messages back and forth the situation was settled and I was allowed to return to his account as a follower.
“May I say something that may come out a bit wrong?”
That was the moment I messed up. Though not a conscious thought, clearly a part of my brain knew that I was about to say something unnecessary, and I was seeking permission to say something that didn’t need to be said. That question alone should have told me I didn’t need to say a single word.
Just scroll on, Sarah. Just scroll on.
While some may dismiss it as merely an online interaction, therefore irrelevant, the fact is that my own words caused offense to someone else. The fault was my own. I had to accept the responsibility and the consequences.
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There was also an unexpected personal reaction to holding my hands up and essentially declaring ‘yeah, my bad’. It meant I was able to forgive myself. Instead of ruminating endlessly on how terrible of a person I was, I was basically over it within a couple of days.
Oops – Ownership – Over
Think about all the times another person made you feel bad, whether intentionally or not, and how you may have felt when it wasn’t acknowledged by them. Think about how you would have liked them to respond, or even merely concede that their behaviours caused a problem for you.
It works both ways.
If the roles were reversed, you would want them to take accountability at the very least. So why is it so hard for us to hold ourselves accountable when we’re in the wrong?
As I always say; we are human, and humans are not perfect. We’re not intended to be perfect, because otherwise how will we ever strive to learn, to be better?
We need to hold ourselves to the same standards of basic human decency as we expect from other people. And admitting fault in basic everyday situations is not going to send you to the deepest pits of Hell. It is an opportunity to learn.
Treat people how you wish to be treated. Remember?
