A few words on maladaptive daydreaming, in our weekly mental health column. What is it, and is it a problem? A few thoughts.
Hello, friends.
My name is Sarah, and I am currently 41. I am 5ft 9, size eight in clothes, super-rich yet humble, a world-renowned writer and photographer, stunningly beautiful, and live with my husband and four kids in a modest five-bedroom house.
Okay, so the only factual part of that description is my name and age. The rest is true only in my imagination, for one of my many alter-egos.
I do something called Maladaptive Daydreaming. The simplest way to explain it is that I excessively and consistently daydream, and occasionally it bleeds over into reality.
I am daydreaming at least 95% of the time. At any given moment, there is a different version of me – or one of my original characters – playing out a scenario in my head that is either completely different to my reality, or is living the same situation but in a way I wish I was more capable of. The storylines I can conjure up… I am my very own filmmaker.
For example, if I were to meet up with friends for a coffee and a catch-up, there would also be one of my many ‘perfect’ versions living the same scenario in my head. She is sat at the table with us, listening, watching, and taking it all in. Her calm composure and ability to relax and enjoy the moment allows me to either emulate being more human than I feel, or to help process everything later. When alone, I can mentally reenact the meeting which allows me to digest feelings, information, or even ‘rewrite’ elements in a way I feel they should have played out.
It can help me to express or understand emotions similar to how we can choose music or films and TV shows to help us when we’re in certain moods. If I need to cry, but I don’t know why, then I will think up a storyline and let it play out in my head. Sometimes it requires hurting my own feelings in imaginative ways, or sometimes one of my original characters who I feel connected to experiences something difficult, thus allowing me to empathise with them.
How strange this must sound to anyone who doesn’t experience it, but it can be a rather natural and normal thing, especially for people who have certain mental illnesses, trauma, or neurodivergence. It is an escape and/or a coping mechanism for the harsh and confusing realities of life.
You may also recall that I mentioned it bleeding into reality, and this is where problems can occur… especially if witnessed by someone else. It is awkward, to say the least.
Maybe I laugh at a funny thing that occurred in my mind, or maybe I frown as a response to something. The occasional, but minimal, responses that are out of place in the real world are often a result of me watching my secondary life play out.
The risk of physical harm isn’t a real concern, with maladaptive daydreaming. The bigger risk is to a person’s mental health. Whereas I can use my imagination to help me process or escape life, there is a risk of falling into darker ‘stories’ that can potentially lead down a path to self-harm, or worse.
If you feel you maladaptive daydream, rest assured that you are not alone and you are not weird. For the most part, it isn’t even a big deal. However, if you feel there is a risk to yourself or the lines between reality and your imagined world begin to blur, it may be worth reaching out to a professional.
Otherwise, daydream away.
