Mental Health Matters | The S Word

Coffee image for Film Stories' regular mental health column

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Huge trigger warnings for this piece, as our mental health chat this week goes into the topic of suicide.

Yesterday was the 23^rd anniversary of my brother’s death. He was 17 at the time, and he died by suicide.

Having battled my own mental health, trauma, and more over the cough-cough years of my life, I too have made some attempts at checking out of life a little early. However, the fact you’re reading this means I failed, clearly.

Exiting life at your own hands is something many people have considered or attempted, and unless someone has experienced it themselves, most are not going to fully understand the thought processes or despair that leads a person to such a course of action. Suicide is very much still stigmatised, or accompanied by clichés.

For me, the two worst clichés are ‘things get better’, because unless you’re Mystic Meg you can’t actually be certain of that, and ‘think about your loved ones’, as if your brain hasn’t already convinced you they’re better off without you.

And when it comes to staying alive just for the sake of your loved ones or pets, that’s actually quite tone deaf because someone has asked you to stay alive but not for yourself. You need to stay alive for yourself, because you are the one living through whatever darkness you’re also trying to escape… but people don’t understand that.

My cat is a significant reason as to why I’m still around, but my main reason is for myself. I want to be able to find a reason to enjoy my life for my own sake, not because my cat demands Dreamies before bed. I want to make my life worthwhile for me.

There is no right way to discuss such a delicate subject, but I do have a few thoughts.

If you know or suspect someone is struggling, the best ways for you to help are:

Have a few support numbers and organisations noted (a few are listed below) as these people are trained to specifically deal with such situations.
Consider accompanying someone to the hospital or a doctor’s appointment, provided they are happy for you to be there.
Offer them your attention; an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on. Only use this option if you are actually prepared to follow through – inadvertent rejection can be harmful to people already struggling.
Avoid offering advice unless it is specifically asked for or you have done some research on how to be helpful without accidental judgement or criticism.
Most importantly, just be there. Not everyone struggling needs a counselling session. Sometimes all we need is a catch up and a cup of tea with a friend, just to feel seen and cared for in a basic way.

If you are struggling, whether it is your first battle or your thousandth battle, please do reach out to someone for support; friends, family, or any of the below listed organisations. It is tempting to wait for someone to step forward with a magic wand and make everything right, but the sad reality is that you need to do a lot of the work, yourself.

Life might not improve, I’m sorry to say, but it definitely won’t if you’re not here to try. Speaking out about wanting to end your life is one of the hardest, biggest, and bravest things you will ever do, but it can also be surprisingly rewarding. Isn’t it worth finding out?

UK Support Organisations