A few thoughts on basically saying when, and finding the point where walking away is better than sticking with a bad situation.
Hello and a very warm welcome to the spot on our site when we chat about mental health, wellbeing, and things that may be affecting us or people around us. We’re very aware that not every article we run in this series will be of use to everyone, but the hope is that across the archive, there’s something that may be of some use to you.
This week, a small chat about walking away from things. From someone who’s done that, and sees the doubled-edged sword it can be.
I do think there’s a point in any situation, in an assortment of contexts, where there’s nothing more that you can realistically do. Whether your fault or someone else’s, all you’re achieving by remaining in whatever that situation happens to be is damage. Damage to you, damage to others, and ultimately you’ve run out of positives.
It’s hard to gauge just what that point is, but most of us tend to know at the very least when we’ve passed it. And it’s taken me a long time to get to this stage, but – appreciating, as always, that this is the kind of thing easier written down than enacted – I’ve now got a little bit better at saying ‘when’.
I’ve also learned the hard way that it’s crucial for mental health to find a way to do so.
Yet I also know it comes with a price. I’m someone who left a job without a job to go to after all, which I couldn’t really afford to do. On the flip side of that, the way people were being treated at the time, I couldn’t really afford to stay either. A bit of me regrets making the decision a little too late, but it was a difficult situation, with – I need to be clear – a lot of brilliant people doing their best in spite of all sorts of things going on.
Yet it was making me miserable, and doing me a heck of a lot of damage. It still makes me miserable. By walking away, I paid a hefty price, but kept my head together. I won more than I lost, but only just.
That’s why this one is difficult. Walking away is oftentimes the hardest thing to do, but also the most important thing to do. I read lots of pieces about how it’s empowering, and to a degree I’m sure it is. I never felt that though. I just needed my head back, and to find glimpses of light again. It’d felt like it’d been a long time.
What I wasn’t expecting is having done it once, there’s the constant worry I might do it again. Again, I don’t want to, but that’s been an unexpected knock on.
I think as always the best thing – the ideal thing – is to have someone you can talk to. Whether it’s a friend, family member, colleague or a service like the brilliant Samaritans (who are very happy to talk to you at the start of your tether just as they are the end) it’s really important to find a way to externalise what you’re feeling. Again, not always possible, but even writing things down may help. And coming to a realistic decision for you as quickly as you can.
Of course, by the time you get to this point, I’d imagine a lot of damage has already been done. But still, everybody has a ‘when’ point and I think it’s important to recognise it. To find an exit if you can, and then look after yourself as best you can after you’ve taken it.
All ideals, granted. But start he conversation if you can, even if it’s a quick natter in our comments. Sometimes, you really do have to go backwards a little bit to find light and happiness again.
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