The family franchises that Warner Bros Discovery can synergise and monetise

If Warner Bros Discovery has no joy bringing the Harry Potter films back to life, there are other family franchises that the studio could turn to.

You might have heard that Warner Bros – or Warner Bros Discovery, as we must now call them – is having a bit of a time. The studio has been part of a megabillions merger, the kind of money that instantly turns films into ‘content’ and phrases such as ‘job losses’ are replaced by ‘synergies’.

On the film side, the studio has – contrary to reports – been doing interesting work this year. But also, it’s been deleting all-but-completed films from its servers to take the tax write-off money instead, and the new boss of the company – David Zaslav, a man who is unlikely to receive an honorary Oscar anytime soon – is looking to reliable franchises rather than risk taking for his pension pot.

Thing is, he’s been talking about another Harry Potter, and on behalf of most of us who sat through the last two Fantastic Beasts­ films, we’d suggest a pause there. Instead, the studio is awash with untapped family movie franchises, or dormant ones awaiting a reboot/reimagining/rehash/regurgitation.

To help Mr Zaslav in such challenging times therefore, we’ve gone through the back catalogue and tried to help him identity the projects that might move the needle, and let him think back inside the box.

Here then are some quick wins, as part of our new holistic strategy for Warner Bros Discovery. Let the, er, synergies commence!

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Yogi Bear 2: Coming Soon

In spite of inspired marketing and the Best Movie Poster Of All Time ™, it remains a modern-day scandal that we never got a sequel to the tired Yogi Bear movie.

Let’s be clear: nobody’s crying out for the movie itself, but as an audit for how the modern Warner Bros Discovery marketing machine compares with the old Warner Bros set-up, it might just be priceless. After all, there are questions that can be asked: did Yogi and Boo Boo get it on? Did Office Dibble uncover what the pair secreted in their picnic baskets? Can the sequel repeat the $200m of global business – yep, honestly – of the original?

The world is waiting. Suggested tagline: The best things still come in bears.

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The Iron Giant Returns

We saw a glimpse of this at the premiere for Steven Spielberg’s Ready Player One, where the wonderful giant from The Iron Giant was pictured with those guns that the film was, er, very much trying to push. Here’s a piece from the time questioning why violence was being reintroduced for the character. The answer? Surely it’s priming the audience for the sequel!

This then is a fresh new direction for Warner Bros Discovery to take things. Never mind that the original masterpiece was a film that showed a calmer way forward in life, let the sequel – and don’t get anyone like Brad Bird involved – instead give the audience the action they want! Give the tinpot bugger a ton of ammunition and let him tear the screen! What do you mean, running roughshod over the spirit of the original? Pah, we’ve got corporate targets to hit here.

Note to executive: see if there’s potential for a crossover with the Terminator universe. We could get a cinematic universe out of this.

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Osmosis Jones 2

Take a risk, you bloody cowards. No pithy comments, just revist one of the most underrated animated movies of its era. Dare you.

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Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol II

Been thinking about this. The fourth – and best, obviously – Rocky film is Rocky IV (comments disabled, don’t). And if you think about it, Rocky IV got a pretty direct sequel with Creed 2. As such, whilst I won’t take a bullet for Police Academy 4 being the best of that particular saga, let’s follow the logic. A direct follow-up to Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol would inevitably have to follow Sharon Stone’s character, Claire Mattson, given she’s the highest profile member of the supporting cast. Get Bobcat Goldthwait in to direct this and we’re in business. And then, given the commitment to international franchises now, let the city that the cadets patrol this time be somewhere like Coventry. HBO Max will love this shit.

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Robin Hood: King Of Thieves

Even though 1991’s Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves is now a 12 certificate movie, much to the regret of the BBFC in the UK it went into cinemas originally with a PG. Given the affection that the film remains held in, this is the obvious candidate for a soulless sequel to strip the heart out of it, repackage it, and sell in a double pack with the original

Jeremy Irons is going to have to step in as the brother of the Sheriff Of Nottingham, and given that Kevin Costner is knee-deep in other projects, it’s likely going to be Chris Pratt landing the role of Robin this time around, obviously elevated from Prince to Thieves to King. A call needs to go in to Bryan Adams to see if he’s up for another Very Long Song too.

If all this doesn’t pan out, just get Christian Slater back for a brotherly spin-off, Will Hood: Prince Of Thieves. Count the money, David! KERCHING.

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Scoob! 2

Stupid idea. Move on.

 

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The Never Ending Story IV

It feels right that this particular saga should continue, and it’d presumably allow some cross-contamination of corporate efforts in that surely people are already expecting another film, given the obvious. As such, there’s some economising here are the studio would barely need to sell the thing. Just put it out there! You told everyone the bugger would never end. Get a TV show moving while you’re at it.

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Free Willys

Taking inspiration from how James Cameron successfully built on Ridley Scott’s Alien movie for the modern classic Aliens, so the resurrection of the Free Willy saga can go forward with an obvious plan: more Willys.

Let’s up the ante! Why free one Willy when there are lots and lots out there waiting to be unleashed? Teach a family audience about how you shouldn’t keep Willys in captivity, and show them how they can gush their way into the wider world. Just imagine the family activity packs that could be produced? This has potential too for spin-off books, and maybe a touring live show where the story of Willys can be discussed in more details.

Oh, hang on David! That’s the merchandising team on line two – they’ve got some ideas! Back soon, we’re on a winner here…

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Wilder Wilder West

I think that’s enough.

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Should the inevitable call from David Zaslav’s office come through, recruiting the Film Stories team to work in his office at a massive salary, then regrettably this website will immediately cease publishing. If we’re still here, then it’s just a temporary delay as he won’t have our phone number. Either way, it’s been a blast….

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