Hagrid has only appeared in the Harry Potter films so far – but is there a cheeky crossover with the Fast & Furious saga, thanks to Fast X? Spoilers!
In our continued quest to dominate the internet with Cutting Edge Digital Content (TM), we’ve had the consultants back in, advising us to capitalise on the furore surrounding the latest entry in the Fast & Furious saga, Fast X.
The rules we have to follow are again nice and simple: take a question that could be answered in a word or two, and somehow spin it to 500 words. Anything less, and Google doesn’t rate it as highly: quantity, not quality. We’ve got the memo.
Oh, and try and subtly Fast X weave in some key words too, so that Google can determine our article is ostensibly better than every other Fast X article out there. In fact, chums, some people might say our Fast X article is even better than Fast X itself! Arf!
Anyone, the big question – try as we might, and we did, we can put it off no longer!
Is Hagrid from the Harry Potter films in Fast X?
No.
Hagrid is the lovable and sizeable furry fella from the Harry Potter saga, and there had been rampant speculation somewhere (bound to be Reddit) that he might be taking a holiday from Hogwart’s and instead starting off the first race in Fast X. But Hagrid is not in Fast X. Presumably the genuinely sad passing of Robbie Coltrane meant that even if there were plans, they had to be abandoned.
We know that there’s, sadly, no Hagrid on the starting grid for Fast X then. But who else won’t be in the film? Let’s take a look!
Is Rick Astley in Fast X?
Oh you guys, with this question! You were never gonna give it up were you? Just joshing. Rick Astley is not in Fast X though. Instead, he’s bound to be busy checking out his YouTube stats instead! We bet that Rick loves a fast motor though, and I genuinely don’t know how to pad this paragraph any further.
Is Tom Jones in Fast X?
He is not, no matter how hard you squint looking at some of the fast moving cars of Fast X. The Welsh underwear attractor Tom Jones is not in Fast X but can be seen on screen in 1996’s Mars Attacks! instead. Tom Jones, for reference, also isn’t in [checks keyword list] Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 3, the next season of Sex Education or Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret?
Is Darth Vader in Fast X?
No.
Is former US President Jimmy Carter in Fast X?
No.
Is The Pope in Fast X?
No.
Are any active members of Abba in Fast X?
No.
Is Vin Diesel in Fast X?
Yes.
Does Fast X have any cars in it?
No. LOLz. Just kidding. Of course there are. And they go fast. Fa
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There you have it then, Fast X Friends! An essential, definitely non-clickbait-y round-up of who you can expect to find in the Fast X, the new Fast & Furious film that’s called Fast X.
(Invoice enclosed)
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One necessary note on this: this article is born out of an ongoing frustration with the way web reporting is going. It is not a slight aimed at individual writers, who we fully respect work their backside off. It’s a case of hating the game, not hating the players.
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See also:
The previous attempts by our consultants to steer us to world Internet domination…
Ranking Gerard Butler’s upcoming films in the order we want to see them
Explaining the ending of Paw Patrol: The Movie
The Speed movies: ranked
Explaining the ending of Dolittle
How to watch the Harry Potter films
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