A few words on choosing who to let into heads, and finding the voices that are worth listening to, in our latest mental health piece. Hello again. How you doing this week? Me? Well, there’s a voice in my head. Or three. Possibly more. We live in a world where so many words, noises, opinions ... Mental Health & Wellbeing Matters: Voice in My Head
A few words on choosing who to let into heads, and finding the voices that are worth listening to, in our latest mental health piece.
Hello again. How you doing this week? Me? Well, there’s a voice in my head. Or three. Possibly more. We live in a world where so many words, noises, opinions and visuals clamour for our attention.
I got to thinking about this when I went to my only concert this year, to see Glenn Hughes. Man, he can sing, and one of his latest songs is called The Voice in my Head.
It’s struck a chord with me. What is the voice in my head babbling about? We all have them. Why is it a nag? Other voices flood in from parents, co-workers, friends, detractors, social media. Which one is right? Which one is giving good advice? Why am I all spun out trying to make sense of it all?
I’ve had a troll of a year. Many of you have had similar. It’s easy to fall into the negative voice trap. What if I’d done this? Said that? Been there? Walked away? Would it have been better? And so on. What about when there are no good options, just voices tugging us in multiple directions?
It’s easy to reach for a keyboard and vent among voices that are familiar, that echo, that comfort. I guess what we have to ask ourself is, is that the right move? Are these voices good for us, or are they pushing us in the wrong direction. I’ve been watching Stephen King’s Mr Mercedes, and Brady Hartfield’s insidious voice crawling under nurse Sadie’s skin in season 2 is akin to the whispering in my head from certain parties.
Then I got an unexpected voice check. It’s wrapped stats time of year. Spotify Wrapped tells me I’m 67, probably due to the constant Deep Purple rotation. Spotify’s mechanical, algorithmic voice is telling me I’m a crone. Cheers guys, I listen to Chappell Roan too y’know.
BlueSky did a similar thing. It created a word cloud from all posts made across the year. And it was horrible. Because this was my own voice and it was miserable. This voice? This was what I was putting out into the world, for other people to hear? All I can do is apologise guys.
We can screen what voices we let in. We can moderate what voices we let out, be cautious of their effect on others. It’s hard to keep them all out, especially if they’re our own. Be aware, try to modify the content, much as we curate social media feeds. I deleted Facebook a few months ago when a careless public comment about illegal fireworks led to people threatening to kill my dog. I didn’t sleep for days. Then I realised I didn’t have to let these asshats in. I was giving them permission to target and harass me by virtue of entering an unregulated town hall.
Almost immediately the anxiety lifted. Anonymity suits me. The asshat buzzing was shaken from my screen. Not every voice is so easily silenced, but after a month of resisting the lure to log in to check other folks’ photographic timelines, that voice ceased. And left a little more bandwidth for my brain to breathe.
Last week I wrote about glimmers. The concert was a big glimmer. I talked to actual people. The disability platform at gigs is great for solidarity. Afterwards I took myself off alone, into a hotel bar where I was alone with the voices in my head with a large glass of wine. A pink up-lit Miami Vice themed bar complete with 80s cocktails and men in white linen suits is rather fun to observe in North East England in October. I chair danced to Gloria Estefan, listened to the music and how it made other people feel. Happy.
Sometimes it’s okay to be alone and perfectly happy. Sometimes it’s okay to close certain voices down. It’s always okay to listen to your heart and shimmy your ass to cheesy 80s pop.
And it’s always ok to share your voice here, to identify the people who will listen to it with respect and sympathy. It’s okay to find your own clarity. Some voices are worth listening to.
Take care, and huge thanks for reading.
